At One O'Clock in the Morning
(Dead Wood) Baudelaire's late-night thoughts... "ugh, is it finally over? Discontent with everybody, as well as with myself."
Today’s edition of Dead Wood is a prose poem from Charles Baudelaire, published posthumously in 1869’s Le Spleen de Paris (a title which requires no translation.) Baudelaire is often called the “father of the Modernists,” and it’s evident why. This piece captures, with thoroughly modern clarity, the agony of those long, late-night thoughts.
The English version is a translation by Ronald F. Sauer. The original French is below.
—TM
Alone! At last! One no longer hears but the rolling of some old carriages, belated and broken. For a few hours we shall possess silence, if not rest. At last! the tyranny of the human face has disappeared, and I shall no longer suffer but through myself.
At last! it is therefore permitted me to unwind in a bath of shadows. First, a double turn of the lock. It seems to me this turn of the key will augment my solitude and fortify the barricades that now separate me, in fact, from the world.
Horrible life! Horrible city! Let us recapitulate the day: having seen many men of letters, one of whom asked me if it were possible to travel overland to Russia (he taking, no doubt, Russia for an island); having argued magnanimously with the editor of a review, who says at each of my objections: "Honesty's the policy around here." this which implies that all the other reviews are directed by con-artists; having greeted some twenty people, among whom fifteen were unknown to me; having distributed handshakes in the same proportion, and this without having taken the precaution of buying gloves; having gone up, in order to kill time during a downpour, to the apartment of a local ladyloose, who begs me to design her a love costume of velvet; having paid my respects to the director of a theatre, who says in dismissing me: "You would perhaps do well to address yourself to Monsieur Z: he's the heaviest, drunkest, most famous of all my authors; with him perhaps you can uncork something trendy. Go see him, and then we'll see."; having boasted (why?) of many villainous things that I had never actually done, and cowardly denied other misdeeds that I accomplished with joy, brassy dereliction, criminal disrespect; having refused a good friend a small service, and given a written recommendation to a perfect idiot; ugh! is it finally over and done with?
Discontent with everybody, as well as with myself, I would like very much to redeem my soul and pride myself a little in the silence and solitude of the night. Souls of those whom I have loved, souls of those whom I have sung, fortify me, sustain me, keep me from the lying and corrupting vapors of the world; and you, Seigneur, my God! accord me the grace of producing some beautiful verses which prove to myself alone that I am not the last among men, that I am not inferior to those whom I despise!
À une heure du matin
Enfin ! seul ! On n’entend plus que le roulement de quelques fiacres attardés et éreintés. Pendant quelques heures, nous posséderons le silence, sinon le repos. Enfin ! la tyrannie de la face humaine a disparu, et je ne souffrirai plus que par moi-même.
Enfin ! il m’est donc permis de me délasser dans un bain de ténèbres ! D’abord, un double tour à la serrure. Il me semble que ce tour de clef augmentera ma solitude et fortifiera les barricades qui me séparent actuellement du monde.
Horrible vie ! Horrible ville ! Récapitulons la journée : avoir vu plusieurs hommes de lettres, dont l’un m’a demandé si l’on pouvait aller en Russie par voie de terre (il prenait sans doute la Russie pour une île) ; avoir disputé généreusement contre le directeur d’une revue, qui à chaque objection répondait : « — C’est ici le parti des honnêtes gens, » ce qui implique que tous les autres journaux sont rédigés par des coquins ; avoir salué une vingtaine de personnes, dont quinze me sont inconnues ; avoir distribué des poignées de main dans la même proportion, et cela sans avoir pris la précaution d’acheter des gants ; être monté pour tuer le temps, pendant une averse, chez une sauteuse qui m’a prié de lui dessiner un costume de Vénustre ; avoir fait ma cour à un directeur de théâtre, qui m’a dit en me congédiant : « — Vous feriez peut-être bien de vous adresser à Z… ; c’est le plus lourd, le plus sot et le plus célèbre de tous mes auteurs, avec lui vous pourriez peut-être aboutir à quelque chose. Voyez-le, et puis nous verrons ; » m’être vanté (pourquoi ?) de plusieurs vilaines actions que je n’ai jamais commises, et avoir lâchement nié quelques autres méfaits que j’ai accomplis avec joie, délit de fanfaronnade, crime de respect humain ; avoir refusé à un ami un service facile, et donné une recommandation écrite à un parfait drôle ; ouf ! est-ce bien fini ?
Mécontent de tous et mécontent de moi, je voudrais bien me racheter et m’enorgueillir un peu dans le silence et la solitude de la nuit. Âmes de ceux que j’ai aimés, âmes de ceux que j’ai chantés, fortifiez-moi, soutenez-moi, éloignez de moi le mensonge et les vapeurs corruptrices du monde, et vous, Seigneur mon Dieu ! accordez-moi la grâce de produire quelques beaux vers qui me prouvent à moi-même que je ne suis pas le dernier des hommes, que je ne suis pas inférieur à ceux que je méprise !
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DEAD WOOD provides excerpts from the years before ideas became “content”. Some editions are serious and thought-provoking. Some are ludicrous or silly. Some are chosen just because they happened to strike us as particularly interesting.
If you have an excerpt of “Dead Wood” you’d like to suggest, email Juke at tonyajuke@gmail.com
That is indeed a horrible day. Made me feel so much better. Thank you, Tonya.